I have been 'on the street' as they say, no work for a while. Yep, the last company 'turn around' didn't. I had been sleeping in while my bank account dwindled. The good news is that I am caught up on 'Breaking Bad' episodes and have worked down the stack of unread 'The Economist'.
I am Simon Valley.... my few remaining friends call me Si. I am a survivor. Unemployment? Not a problem. I can weather any storm. Back to instant noodles and Brew102 if needed.
Old Si has been working on the Silicon Valley tech roller coaster since I arrived as a fresh engineer. Did a big company out of college but was bored after a few years. Moved to a 'glamorous' startup. In the 1980s that meant weekly beer busts, sales meetings in Hawaii, and lots of free meals. Stock options were flowing freely and everyone drove nice wheels. Then, down the Valley went. After a couple of these boom bust cycles, some people adjusted, some moved back to Boston, others jumped off the Golden Gate bridge. Old Si? I got into the turnaround game. Started working for companies near the edge of an abyss. Running out of money, squeezing out what they had left. Teetering...
Last week, a call. An old friend, a brilliant manager and all around smart guy. "I need some help" he said in a mildly panicked voice. "Just took over as CEO, and I need a rational person to help me figure out this stuff. No one on my 'A' list wouldn't return my calls, and the guys on my 'B' list hung up when I said the word 'turnaround'. Went though everyone else on Linked in, down to I am calling you. Hardware, software, web services. A mess of incomplete projects, I have been digging up lots of bodies my first week here. Oh, we have 4 month to get something solid. The Venture Capitalists funding us are VERY nervous."
Well, at least I am on one of his lists, maybe the one labeled 'D'.
"Have you started drinking yet?" I asked.
"Yes" he said "And heavily."
Nervous VCs are never a good thing. Drunk CEOs are worse. Both tend to do stupid things. VCs start investing in on-line dog food companies, or worse, alternative energy. Drunk CEOs wake up in a hotel room during Comdex with two hookers, a bag of cocaine, and a reporter taking notes. Well, that was when Comdex existed.
"OK" I said. "Sign me up". Hey it beats reading EETimes in my gym clothes, which is what I was doing when he called.
I show up on a Monday. It is a typical Valley company housed in a 1970s tilt-up. Inside, it looks like the UN. An older Asian lady is the CFO. She starts screaming about my hourly rate as I extended my hand upon an introduction. That is a good thing! First rule in saving a company is to lock down the cash. Otherwise, people start doing stupid things, like buying Starbucks for the coffee machine, or paying vendors in under 45 days.
I walked into a lab and it looked like the store closing sale at Haltek. Crap everywhere. I spied a very expensive Agilent Spectrum Analyzer sitting on a bench in the original box. Coke cans and a coffee cup on top.
"What are you working on" I asked the first guy, a young Indian. "My LinkedIn profile!" he replied laughing. Hmm, at least we have a sense of humor here. "Who the hell are you?" he asked.
"I'm the Dog Catcher" I replied. "Well, call the Health Inspector, 'cause there is green slime growing in the fridge. Ruined the leftovers I was going to have for lunch."
I had about 5 similar conversations in the first hour. OK, we have a lively bunch here.
"So, what did you learn by walking around?" the CEO asked.
"Bill and Dave are wrong, you don't learn anything by walking around... unless you are a recruiter or a microbiologist"
"Next time, I will hit my 'B' list a little harder" he murmured.
"Seriously, you have some sharp engineers who have been doing nothing for weeks. That is all I learned. Let's get them in a room, bring some decent Chinese takeout, and hash out what we have."
"I will turn into a bitch session," he said.
"Maybe, but let's try something. Tell them to pretend they can have one product that they are looking at and VC some money. What would they do? What would make them finally brag to their friends who work at Facebook? "
"We can't have a Disneyland here. We need products generating revenue in 4 months. I need realistic ideas!" he shouted.
"So do I. That is why we need all the engineering staff in one room, with full stomachs. Oh, and bring the sales team in later. Just keep the beer under lock and key until the end. Salesmen equate free beer with Las Vegas. And we both know what happens then..."
So we did. Heading into hour number two, the engineers were asking sales guys about the customer base, and the salesmen were on the phone selling stuff we haven't even made yet. In the end, we had filled the white boards with product ideas, had customer visits on the calendar, and we polished off a massive number of potstickers and a pallet of beer.
'What just happened?" asked the CEO.
"Well, we got the engineers to dust off their dreams and start moving. The salesmen got fired up and saw dollar signs"
"It is a sugar high. What can we ship in four months?" he asked.
"Samples, protos, hell, data sheets! But it is something," I replied. "Besides, we don't really need products in four months, we need a story for the VCs. And, we need the engineers to not return recruiter calls for a while so we can make real products."
Maybe this will turn. Not sure. We will need more bucks. We need a couple of solid deals.
As I drove down 101, heading home that day, I wondered... What IS it like to be at a company minting money? Free food, open bars, on-site gyms?
Of course I know the answer. Chaos looming, doom hovering. Errant egos, greed, backstabbing, power plays, plagues of locust. May take a while, but it will come. That is what always brings 'em down. Sun, SGI, they all died in the same way; and, it was ugly.
The Facebooks of the world don't see the wall, but it is waiting for them. Will they be an Apple and push though or an SGI and crater? Hard to tell.
At least my company doesn't have swarms of locust aproaching the building. Just green slime growing in the fridge.
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