Fortunate Son

As Ol' Si looks in the mirror every morning, I see something new. An extra grey hair, a bit more wrinkles.  Ah, here comes the sob story, dear readers are thinking. OK, I have had a few minor life issues, missed a few startup opportunities, notably the chance to have an employee number in the 50s at  Cisco. Jumped at a few 'sure things' that gave me stock option paper that adorns the walls of my garage. I wrestle daily with a couple of demons. But, I always get up and move forward. Overall, I am very fortunate in my life and career. And I have an outside expert to back up my humble opinion.

What is bringing all this on? Well, recently, I had lunch again with a young friend, a former intern now a star at a phone app company. We meet regularly now. He is really smart, hip, and clever. Obvious question is why would he bother meeting with Ol' Si?  Well, there is a part of him that is very curious, a part that also makes him successful. We talk about stuff, things that normal 30 year olds do not.  I am different, and that makes even me interesting to him. Of course, it also helps him deal with old guys, now that he is a rising exec.

He was raised in privilege, beyond what I could image. Top neighborhoods, top colleges. Saw the world before his 18th birthday.  He did an internship with my group at a big tech company one summer.  His buddies from college tripped around Europe (literally), but he decided to work... the curiosity thing.  It was an eye opening experience for both of us.  After graduation, he landed in The Valley, and did very well.  He passed me in rank and salary fairly quickly.

He said that I was the only manager during his internship who didn't treat him like an idiot; maybe because it was clear to me that he wasn't. I told the VP of Engineering to be nice to this intern, because we both would be working for him one day. The comment was laughed off, but, sure enough, the VP's resume recently landed in the in-basket at my young friend's company. Lasted about 30 seconds before it hit the Windows Trash Can.

Why did he look me up?  Last year, he wanted a 60's muscle car. The recent IPO was very good to him, and he deserved a couple of toys.  He remembered the pictures in my cube way back then and knew that I was a car guy. Dug up my info on LinkedIn and called me. We spent some time trolling lots, and finally found a nice Chevelle SS396. I knew all the tricks; he avoid a couple of painted over rust buckets and a few more faked SS models. I helped him figure out what was fixable with a tuneup, and what was going to be a money hole. As we checked out cars, we talked. Mostly small talk, mostly about him and his work.

One day, after he bought his muscle car, we had lunch. While wolfing down Sushi, he asked me about my past.  Wanted to know about my college. Did I do Spring Break at Cabo like the other West Coast students did? How was spring skiing in Tahoe? I was reluctant to discuss what it took me to get through college, all the 12 hour shifts at the garage needed to pay for tuition and rent. I was on my own financially at 17.  Spring break? Spent it laying pipe or painting buildings. I preferred to tell stories about racing at Lions' Drag Strip or backpacking in Big Sur. But, he dug in, so I told him the truth.

Then, he said something remarkable. "You are one of the most successful people I know!" "Huh?" was my response. "As a relative success, not an absolute success." he said, "You have come further than most people I have met.  Not much help. I can imagine you are quite proud of yourself". I didn't have an answer, just a empty look.

Lunch was finished, and we both drove away; he in his new Audi R8, me in my old Bimmer. It didn't hit me until the drive home... he was right. At least about the 'relative' part. In this day and age, success is measured against the attainment of others. A dangerous and self-destructive system that we all buy into.  Forget all that.  The boy at 17... what would he think of the man at 55? Would he be pleased? I think Ol' Si at 17 would be.

Lots of us older guys in The Valley can relate to my story. If you one of those, open a beer and toast yourself, you deserve it... relatively speaking.

Detested Development

Ol’ Si was having dinner and drinks, well mostly drinks, with the Good Doctor, GD as I call him. The GD is a long time friend, going back to my days in the bowels of Blue Collar America, when there was such a thing. We climbed out and both of us have done well…living a life that neither could have possibly imagined then.

The GD is an amazing guy and a true friend.  We were close in our childhood, a still are, even as we got older.  One of a handful of old friends I have. 

What does this have to do with The Valley? Living and working here, we tend to have two kinds of friends…old and new. The new ones are a rarity.

Old friends don’t understand what I do in Tech or why. We are all crazy here…squirrels in a cage. We are a novelty to them - tellers of weird stories. We are knowers of now-famous High Tech legends… people who we worked with when they were they were just regular jerks.

GD and I can talk about our lives, and I can learn about the world outside of Agile Scrums and ASIC spins. The conversations fall on current politics, wayward siblings, and what ever happened to who.

New people tend to be ‘Friendenemies’… those around you. You can be pleasant, but can never let your guard down. Sad, really, but that is The Valley. 'Friendenemies' are competitors, via a social pecking order that no one completely understands. For younger people, it is all about the hot company and the job title. Tough to figure out, since everyone is now a ‘Senior Director’, even the guy who cleans the men’s room. Got to have a title, I guess.

Once in a while, you can turn a Friendenemy into a real old-style friend. Usually happens via shared adversity; a dying startup, a common jerk boss. And, they come easier with a bit of age. But, the process is painful if you do not understand it. 

Ol’ Si had no mentors, few confidants, only a handful of friends in The Valley... had to figure this place out on my own.  Early on, I learned a LOT about business from columnists in the old Esquire Magazine, circa 1980. For no good reason, the then Editor was replace by someone who thought every guy wanted a $20K wardrobe with pink shirts, and intelligent columnists were not needed. But, I digress… the old magazine writers regularly discussed what it is REALLY like in corporate America. Such writing made me think, gave me ideas, expanded my world. The writers at the old Car and Driver magazine opened the world of gonzo engineering.... the concept that crazy ideas are fun to implement. Of course, C&D went corporate with the collapse of the magazine industry. No more Tequila -soaked road tests in Mexico. These older guys were my group of mentors, I suppose.  May they rest in peace. 

I could never understand why so many people in The Valley were jerks, but the more I read, the more I realized that it is the same in most places: New York City, Washinton DC, Detroit, or San Jose. One quote, tacked on my wall, summed it up well. “You shall have no real friends in business, just a bunch of annoying siblings”.

Personal and professional development is in your own hands. Read from those wiser than you. Try to maintain old friends. Try to find a very few new friends as you sift though all the Friendenemies.  Yes, you will find a few, but only a few. It is not you, it is everywhere in the ‘developed’ world of business. You will detest many of the poeple in the working world, merely dislike the rest. Learn to live with it.

Ol’ Si? I don't worry too much. Most of the truths I held as a young man were shattered long ago. I am a man with a few beliefs however. Like now… I believe I will have another beer. And, I will toast long unemployed writers at Esquire and C&D who survived their own ‘Valleys’. Thanks for the help. I wouldn’t have made it without your wisdom and humor. Didn’t find much of either here in The Valley.

Bitter Man Than I

Ol' Si is winding down yet another job. Looks like the VCs are not going to cough up any more money to keep my company running.  Rats are scurrying.  Panic in the cubes.  Not for me, just another day in the life of The Valley.  Off one thrill ride and on the another.

Things were a bit tense in cube-land last Monday morning, so I took an extended lunch. Off to a quiet, dark place to let my mind wander.  No, not a sensory deprivation tank, but a movie theatre. One near me, an old place with $4 shows during the day.

Had choices to make.... popcorn or peanuts, chick flick or a horror movie. I decided on something else; a Hollywood attempt to explain The Valley, "The Social Network". Actually, it turned out to be a good movie.  Lots of people types and situations that I recognized.  I am still haunted by one scene, the part where our 'hero' is dealing with the loss of his college love interest. She wisely blew him off as an immature and vindictive jerk in a restaurant confrontation.  As his attempts at winning her back became more cruel and desperate, the hero becomes the evil Dr Startup. His energy appeared to go from winning the girl to the task of winning everything else.  I was mentally filling in blanks in the script... "I will show you! Spurn me and I will get my revenge" declared Dr Startup. Sounds like the plot line for a hundred spy and horror movies, but there is a bit of reality in it.

Since walking out of the movie, I have been having thoughts of friends and roommates in my past, many who have been their own derivative of Dr. Startup. A very successful friend fits the storyline, except the jerk part.  A lab partner in my senior year of school was a poster child for that kind of angst, and it took a lot of time and much of my booze for him to get over it.

Most successful guys I know well have the same fire in the belly; how many lit up by a spurned romance in college?

I am above all that of course. I accept what is, and move on. No bad memories here, nope....well except for that cute girl in college who blew me off for some clown.....THAT really pissed me off. We would study Calculus together, then work on a 12 pack of Lucky Lager. The other guy ironed his shirts and apparently knew which fork was for salad....like that mattered! Guess it did for her.

At the time I may have screamed out "I will make a lot of money, and be famous, and she will be REALLY sorry that she dumped me! Can't wait to get that perfumed apology letter from her so I can burn it!" Long time ago, details are vague...

I got over it all pretty quickly. Didn't think about it, didn't dwell afterwards, well not much anyway. Don't drink much Lucky Lager, but that probably isn't because of her. Get on with life I always say. You don't want to be driven to success by hated and anger. Never. Bury the pain and move on.

So, many of my friends let this angst -driven part of their young lives drive them. I felt their pain, having that feeling in your gut must be tough! Every time we talked and they discussed their lives, the big promotion, latest IPO, newest house, faster car, lavish vacation, I felt sorry for them....

Ol' Si is sitting in his little condo, after driving home from his shaky job at a dying company, in his old Bimmer. I get the mail and read the monthly statement from my too-small IRA account.

Guess I should have had more of an open mind. You know, used just a small bit of that angst as a driver, a motivator. Shouldn't have buried it so far down, could have let the angst surface occasionally to provide some of the 'push' my friends had.

I don't desire a Bugatti or a Maui beach house you know - but it would be nice to afford a decent house in The Valley. Or, even a 6 pack of a beer better than Lucky Lager...