Ol' Si is winding down yet another job. Looks like the VCs are not going to cough up any more money to keep my company running. Rats are scurrying. Panic in the cubes. Not for me, just another day in the life of The Valley. Off one thrill ride and on the another.
Things were a bit tense in cube-land last Monday morning, so I took an extended lunch. Off to a quiet, dark place to let my mind wander. No, not a sensory deprivation tank, but a movie theatre. One near me, an old place with $4 shows during the day.
Had choices to make.... popcorn or peanuts, chick flick or a horror movie. I decided on something else; a Hollywood attempt to explain The Valley, "The Social Network". Actually, it turned out to be a good movie. Lots of people types and situations that I recognized. I am still haunted by one scene, the part where our 'hero' is dealing with the loss of his college love interest. She wisely blew him off as an immature and vindictive jerk in a restaurant confrontation. As his attempts at winning her back became more cruel and desperate, the hero becomes the evil Dr Startup. His energy appeared to go from winning the girl to the task of winning everything else. I was mentally filling in blanks in the script... "I will show you! Spurn me and I will get my revenge" declared Dr Startup. Sounds like the plot line for a hundred spy and horror movies, but there is a bit of reality in it.
Since walking out of the movie, I have been having thoughts of friends and roommates in my past, many who have been their own derivative of Dr. Startup. A very successful friend fits the storyline, except the jerk part. A lab partner in my senior year of school was a poster child for that kind of angst, and it took a lot of time and much of my booze for him to get over it.
Most successful guys I know well have the same fire in the belly; how many lit up by a spurned romance in college?
I am above all that of course. I accept what is, and move on. No bad memories here, nope....well except for that cute girl in college who blew me off for some clown.....THAT really pissed me off. We would study Calculus together, then work on a 12 pack of Lucky Lager. The other guy ironed his shirts and apparently knew which fork was for salad....like that mattered! Guess it did for her.
At the time I may have screamed out "I will make a lot of money, and be famous, and she will be REALLY sorry that she dumped me! Can't wait to get that perfumed apology letter from her so I can burn it!" Long time ago, details are vague...
I got over it all pretty quickly. Didn't think about it, didn't dwell afterwards, well not much anyway. Don't drink much Lucky Lager, but that probably isn't because of her. Get on with life I always say. You don't want to be driven to success by hated and anger. Never. Bury the pain and move on.
So, many of my friends let this angst -driven part of their young lives drive them. I felt their pain, having that feeling in your gut must be tough! Every time we talked and they discussed their lives, the big promotion, latest IPO, newest house, faster car, lavish vacation, I felt sorry for them....
Ol' Si is sitting in his little condo, after driving home from his shaky job at a dying company, in his old Bimmer. I get the mail and read the monthly statement from my too-small IRA account.
Guess I should have had more of an open mind. You know, used just a small bit of that angst as a driver, a motivator. Shouldn't have buried it so far down, could have let the angst surface occasionally to provide some of the 'push' my friends had.
I don't desire a Bugatti or a Maui beach house you know - but it would be nice to afford a decent house in The Valley. Or, even a 6 pack of a beer better than Lucky Lager...
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