Detested Development

Ol’ Si was having dinner and drinks, well mostly drinks, with the Good Doctor, GD as I call him. The GD is a long time friend, going back to my days in the bowels of Blue Collar America, when there was such a thing. We climbed out and both of us have done well…living a life that neither could have possibly imagined then.

The GD is an amazing guy and a true friend.  We were close in our childhood, a still are, even as we got older.  One of a handful of old friends I have. 

What does this have to do with The Valley? Living and working here, we tend to have two kinds of friends…old and new. The new ones are a rarity.

Old friends don’t understand what I do in Tech or why. We are all crazy here…squirrels in a cage. We are a novelty to them - tellers of weird stories. We are knowers of now-famous High Tech legends… people who we worked with when they were they were just regular jerks.

GD and I can talk about our lives, and I can learn about the world outside of Agile Scrums and ASIC spins. The conversations fall on current politics, wayward siblings, and what ever happened to who.

New people tend to be ‘Friendenemies’… those around you. You can be pleasant, but can never let your guard down. Sad, really, but that is The Valley. 'Friendenemies' are competitors, via a social pecking order that no one completely understands. For younger people, it is all about the hot company and the job title. Tough to figure out, since everyone is now a ‘Senior Director’, even the guy who cleans the men’s room. Got to have a title, I guess.

Once in a while, you can turn a Friendenemy into a real old-style friend. Usually happens via shared adversity; a dying startup, a common jerk boss. And, they come easier with a bit of age. But, the process is painful if you do not understand it. 

Ol’ Si had no mentors, few confidants, only a handful of friends in The Valley... had to figure this place out on my own.  Early on, I learned a LOT about business from columnists in the old Esquire Magazine, circa 1980. For no good reason, the then Editor was replace by someone who thought every guy wanted a $20K wardrobe with pink shirts, and intelligent columnists were not needed. But, I digress… the old magazine writers regularly discussed what it is REALLY like in corporate America. Such writing made me think, gave me ideas, expanded my world. The writers at the old Car and Driver magazine opened the world of gonzo engineering.... the concept that crazy ideas are fun to implement. Of course, C&D went corporate with the collapse of the magazine industry. No more Tequila -soaked road tests in Mexico. These older guys were my group of mentors, I suppose.  May they rest in peace. 

I could never understand why so many people in The Valley were jerks, but the more I read, the more I realized that it is the same in most places: New York City, Washinton DC, Detroit, or San Jose. One quote, tacked on my wall, summed it up well. “You shall have no real friends in business, just a bunch of annoying siblings”.

Personal and professional development is in your own hands. Read from those wiser than you. Try to maintain old friends. Try to find a very few new friends as you sift though all the Friendenemies.  Yes, you will find a few, but only a few. It is not you, it is everywhere in the ‘developed’ world of business. You will detest many of the poeple in the working world, merely dislike the rest. Learn to live with it.

Ol’ Si? I don't worry too much. Most of the truths I held as a young man were shattered long ago. I am a man with a few beliefs however. Like now… I believe I will have another beer. And, I will toast long unemployed writers at Esquire and C&D who survived their own ‘Valleys’. Thanks for the help. I wouldn’t have made it without your wisdom and humor. Didn’t find much of either here in The Valley.